What Happens When the Trust is Broken?
Kasha Thompson @kayslay_allday
Photo: Unsplash.com Photographer: @actionvance
Trust really is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If you can’t trust the things your partner says or does it’s just a matter of time before your relationship ends. "If you don’t trust me than why are you with me?" You’re heard those words before, maybe from your own partner. It’s a valid question. Why are you staying with a person you don’t trust?
Let’s look closer at the word trust. Webster’s dictionary defines trust as a firm belief in the character, strength, or truth of someone or something. A person or thing in which confidence is placed. If you’re constantly questioning where your partner has been, and who they’ve been with then you have a trust issue.
I once dated a guy who I trusted completely he never gave me reason to suspect or doubt his words. Then one day I came across text messages that shattered the unwavering trust I had in him. I confronted him about what I had read and he made excuses and told me nothing had happened and it was just conversations and nothing more. I was young, dumb, and in love so I choose to believe him and we continued to date. But I can honestly say the minute the trust was broken our relationship was over. Yes, we were still together I was still going through the motions but the love I had was fractured.
Trust is like a mirror, if that mirror is broken you can glue it back together but you will always be able to see the cracks they never go away. So, what do you do when trust becomes an issue in your relationship? You need honesty, time, and a real desire to make things work.
Honesty: In the words of Iyanla Vanzant “Let’s call a thing a thing.” If you’re not honest about how and why the trust was broken you can’t ever really move forward. Hold yourself and your partner accountable to speak the truth. Why did he cheat and lie? How did that make you feel?
Time: You are not going to build trust back overnight. It could take months or years. The person who broke the trust needs to understand they may have to apologize and keep apologizing in words and actions for as long as it takes. Trust is gained in drops and lost in buckets.
Desire to make things work: The wronged partner needs to actively work on moving forward. You accepted the apologies and choose to stay in the relationship. You can’t keep throwing the mistake in their face for the rest of your lives. Eventually, if your partner is making a real effort to change, you’ll have to let it go. If you can’t move past the break in trust you may need to move on to a new relationship.